New years was a week ago and I am feeling more revitalized and hopeful then I think I have ever felt at the birth of a new year. A week ago the world set fire to 2011 and watched as the corners curled in and the holes grew bigger until finally it crumpled into a pile of ash and left us to allow a new year to begin. This year holds such a new meaning just as every year does really. Two years ago at midnight in my living room with one other person I thought quietly to myself this will be the year of change, last year I thought quietly to myself in a bar so loud it was deafening this year I will pick myself up from the pain of last year and find my footing. And this year at midnight in a living room of a house party with my best friend beside me I thought to myself This year I will treat myself better. This year I will become the person I know I can be.
Over the past two years I have been through a lot. Good things, and bad things, things I would never tell my mother, and things I hoped would make my mother proud. It has been such a roller coaster of emotion and pain, happiness and living young that at the end of 2011 I felt tired but I also felt renewed, loved and hopeful. For me, this new year needs to be about treating myself better, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I have been given one life and I want to live it to the fullest while keeping my health at the forefront of my head. I have been such an advocate for living young, for having experiences, being careless and throwing discretion out the window and I am not going back on those values that I have preached. I did all of those things, I lived life, I did things I wanted to do, that I never thought I would do that I probably shouldn’t have done, and I dont regret any of those things for even a second. But now I feel like that roller coaster has come to the very end where the loops and the humps even out, and the conductor slows the speed as he carefully eases you back onto the platform.
So many things are different then last year, I am in love. A love that I worked so hard for for an entire year. A love that is so different then the love I experienced before, a love that is characterized by mutual respect, caring and admiration. A love that I want to nurture, that I want to watch grow and see where it can take me. I have already learned so much from him, I have already grown so much as a person having shared this experience with him that I am so excited to see where it can take us. I live with my best friend. When we moved in together no one was more skeptical of how this would turn out then the two of us. But it did work out and we have the happiest most unique roommate relationship then I think anyone in the world has. We have become so much closer as best friends, have learned so much about eachother and have done so much growing together. We finally have the friendship that we’ve worked so hard for since we were 14 years old and I cherish the bond that we have with my whole heart. I feel like I am starting this year with more stable footing then I have had in a long time. I feel confident in myself and my abilities, I feel safe and secure in my choices, I feel loved and cared for, and I have matured great amounts since the year past. All of these things together, plus my strive and ambition for better make me confident that I can make this year one of the greatest of my life.
Ive never made new years resolutions before, but this year I feel like I needed to. This year I have so much in my heart and in my head that I want to accomplish that I felt it was the right thing to do. I’m not going to beat myself up at the end of 2012 if these things havent been accomplished but I think it will be a very good learning, and growing experience to look back at the words I have written, at the goals I have made and see how far I’ve come as I move into 2013. So here they are:
The theme of this year for me is definitely going to be self enlightenment, a healthier me, and creating!
-Start hot yoga again. Spend the money to do better for myself! 5-6 days a week, no exception I want to be in that classroom sweating it out, and enlightening myself physically and spiritually. I have never felt more centered, more peaceful then when I was going to classes 6 days a week. And so, I will begin again and see where it can take me!
-Lose 25-30 pounds! I know I am not fat by any means, but there is certainly a little too much cushion where there should be smooth. Part of this is vanity, I want to look better so that I can feel better about myself, and my body but I also want to be healthier. I am young and if I dont treat my body the way it should be treated now, I am in for nothing but a lifetime of being overweight and unhealthy! And that, I certianly dont want. I was 171 when I was weighed 3 weeks ago, and at the end of the year I want to be 140-145. With Getting back into yoga, and eating better, this shouldnt be too hard to accomplish.
–Stop smoking! I know, cliche but it is very very important. I have been smoking for about a year and a half and when I started I said I would give myself a year and quit. Its going on two years now, and it is past time! I never wanted to be a smoker, but im not going to beat myself up over starting so now its time to do something about it and quit! Its not going to be easy, and a part of me really doesn’t want to quit, I do enjoy a cigarette at certian times of the day, but it is a good way to put me into an early grave and that is not what I want.
-Get my camera back and start creating again! Use the energy that flows through me to put it to good use. I have been without my camera now for almost a year and it has felt like a piece of me missing. I need to take pictures and write to really feel like me. And this year I want to put those things to very good use. I have some great ideas that I cant wait to put into action and all I need is to have a little more faith in my abilities!
Those are really the main points. I could put bullet points under each one and elaborate but I really dont think thats necessary. You get the jist of it and I will have something to look back on in 11 months to see how much progress I’ve made. But really the one point that Im a little too nervous to make its own catagory is to finally get a tattoo! I have wanted one forever, and I have known what Ive wanted for about a year now. And now I think its time to put the work into finding a tattoo artist worth using my skin as their canvas and make it happen! Im not nervous to get the tattoo itself, its the finding the artist that is worth it. I am so scared it wont be what I wanted, but I need to find someone and put a little faith into them! I dont know if its the mood stabilizers that Im finally taking but for some reason this year, I just feel so much more optimistic. So self empowered, so capable. I can’t wait to take that energy and apply it to making myself into the woman I want to be.